


Literally the most incredible thing

by needleyecandy



Series: Silly September [30]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Inaccurate Stereotypes About Goths, Knotting, M/M, this is completely ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 07:33:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12127602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: Amora is seriously pissed at not receiving a wedding invitation, but that doesn't stop her from giving a most unusual gift.





	Literally the most incredible thing

They strode forth from the feast-hall, hand in hand, followed by the wedding party laughing and chattering joyously. Thor and Loki were quieter, happier, their smiling glances all the conversation they needed. Two weeks honeymooning on each friendly realm promised them the sort of indulgence and luxury such as they had not known in far too long.

Their smiles faded when they found Amora waiting for them at the Observatory.

"Oh, a happy occasion, I see," she said, picking at her nails. "My invitation must have been lost in the mail."

Thor swallowed.

"We had to cut so many wanted guests from the list," Loki answered, his voice absolutely dripping with reasonableness. "There simply wasn't room in the feast-hall, and as we haven't seen you in nearly seven centuries-"

"You had room for a giant snake!" she snapped at him.

"Jormungandr is my son," Loki said, wounded. "Of course I wanted my children here with me."

"If there was room for a snake, there was room for one more."

Thor spoke up. Amora was more his problem, and it was not right that the burden of dealing with her fall to Loki. "It was very cramped. Look at how Fandral limps. People were seated so tightly his foot has fallen completely asleep."

The harshness on her face softened. _Oh, no,_ thought Thor. "In that case, I must still offer you a gift! This will be literally the most incredible thing you get from anyone." She made a sharp motion with her left hand and he felt _something_ wash over him. And then he blinked, and she was gone, and he forgot.

Thor and Loki turned, still holding hands, to look back at the people gathered behind them. "Good friends," he cried, "We now take our leave of you! We thank you for all your well-wishes!"

Loki nodded his agreement. "We thank you, and we offer you our own!" His hand came forth in a broad wave and dozens of golden sparks, little luck-charms, spilled out over the crowd.

Their Midgardian friends - _their_ friends now, shared, after Loki had aided in the final defeat of Thanos – came up to follow them back to New York. The rest of the party made way for Jormundangr to slither forwards, ready to take the rear. Even with the speed of the Bridge it would take him some time to cross. Steve had tried to insist that as family he should go immediately after the happy couple, but after it was pointed out that it would take him three hours to be out of their way, he agreed to break with decorum.

Tony had offered them Thor's usual room in the Stark Tower but did not seem dismayed when they politely declined. Loki made a note that in future, he ought to do some soundproofing.

The hotels of New York had launched an all-out fight for which would be the one to host their two weeks on Midgard, and a full three days of their wedding planning had been given over to touring the different penthouses and suites that were offered to them, free of charge. They settled on the Presidential Suite at the Surrey; it was not one of the largest, nor was it the grandest, but the rooftop garden was in full bloom and Loki leaned over to whisper in Thor's ear that the roses were the _exact_ shade of Thor's-

"This will do nicely. Thank you," Thor told the manager.

The Bifrost placed them at Stark Tower so as not to damage the flowers. It then shimmered away before reappearing in the distance, returning Jormungandr to the sea. A limousine from the hotel waited for them far below. They and their luggage took up the entirety of the elevator and with a final round of waving and well-wishes the doors slid shut and at last they were alone. Their clothing was only a little rumpled when they reached the ground. The limo driver pretended not to notice and he loaded their cases into the trunk while they made themselves comfortable in the car. Loki cast a hush over the busy streets and the only sound they heard as they rode to the hotel was that of lips against lips and of soft happy sighs.

They went up to their garden while their things were carried into the suite below. They lay on the bed of dense moss, gazing up at the sky.

"The moon is beautiful tonight," Thor murmured.

Loki hummed in agreement. "It's so red, you would almost think the bees had eaten candy to make it."

Thor laughed and rolled to his side, hands seizing on Loki's waist to tickle him. "You know perfectly well it is made of star-pollen."

"No I don't!" Loki yelped through his laughter.

"Perhaps I had best persuade you..." Thor murmured, leaning down to meet his lips.

"Mmm, perhaps you might."

A news helicopter approached, cameras rolling. Loki flicked his fingers and batted it away.

"Loki," Thor chided. "You're not supposed to be a villain anymore."

"Relax, Thor. I only scared them a little."

Thor paused. "Really?"

"Yes. Really."

"In that case, I have a reward for you."

"Is it this?" Loki slid his hand between them to caress Thor's erection through his ceremonial leather armor.

"It is. I'm going to reward you as much as you want," Thor promised.

"Good. I want quite a lot."

That night they didn't leave the roof until the morning dew began to gleam across their skin. Nor did they leave their room all day. They probably wouldn't have gone out that evening, either, but it took a near-constant stream of room service orders to sustain their energy levels and eventually the hotel ran out of food.

"Would you like to go to a nightclub when we have eaten?" Thor asked over their trays of lasagna.

"I suppose I could be persuaded," Loki said, coy.

"Several friends suggested that because of your chosen appearance, you might enjoy a Goth Night."

Loki beamed at him. "Yes, I will go with you."

 

They could hear the horde from two blocks away, violent shouts in a particularly gutteral Germanic dialect. The smell hit them when they were one block away.

"I had forgotten about their disinclination for bathing," Thor said.

"We'll adjust."

Thor kissed him. "That we will."

"Oh, look at this," Loki marveled as they turned the corner. "I haven't seen so many men in ratty furs in nearly a thousand years."

"Nor have I. It takes me right back to our carefree youth."

"Remember when Odoacer seized Ravenna?"

"And we fucked in every room of his palace while he was away at war."

Thor took Loki's hand in his own. What happiness to wed someone with whom he shared so many memories, he thought.

Inside, purple lights made things glow strangely. A DJ was in a high booth, spinning records and not dropping a single one. The bartender had fled and the Goths fought for the abandoned bottles, a pile of gore rapidly growing at their feet. Thor's palms itched and he clenched his fists.

"Go on, you know you want to," Loki told him.

Thor planted a kiss on his cheek. "I love you, brother," he said.

Loki smiled and watched him charge into the midst of the battle.

 

They had just fallen into bed in the early dawn when the phone rang.

"Hello, Tony," Thor mumbled.

"You went, I saw it on the news. So, what'd your boy think? Did he like it?"

"He did, though I think I enjoyed it more."

"Really? I wouldn't have guessed. But then I guess you like _him,_ so..."

"I do like him," Thor agreed, running his hand up the inside of Loki's thigh.

"Did they play that one song?"

"Quite possibly."

"I'm sure they did, I can't imagine a Goth night that didn't play it, probably at least twice. Hey, Pepper's saying I should let you go. I'll send the song to your phone."

"Thank you for the suggestion, my friend."

"Well, nighty-night," Tony said.

"Goodnight."

Thor hung up and a minute later a new song appeared on his phone. **NIN-Closer** , it said. He pressed play. By halfway they were grinning at each other. "It's not a bad idea..." Thor said.

"Not bad at all. You want me to?"

"I think we would both enjoy that."

"I couldn't agree more."

Everything went normally – delightfully, but normally ("Oh, Loki, you feel so good inside me," and "Thor, mmm, you're so tight and hot," and all that) – until the end. He was used to feeling Loki's cock swell slightly just as he came, faint pulses Thor only noticed if he was focusing on it. This time it kept growing, bigger and bigger, and the only reason Thor wasn't screaming was that Loki always took care to see him being well prepared. He wasn't even sure if Loki noticed or if he was too busy gasping and shaking where he'd collapsed on Thor's back.

"I appear to be stuck," Loki noted after several failed attempts at pulling out.

"Yes, I thought you might. Has it ever done this before? I know it hasn't with me..."

"No, it's new," Loki said idly. "Maybe it's something that happens to Jotnar after they marry. You know, 'eternal bond' and all that."

"Huh. And members of the canine family, of course."

"Yes, of course. Them as well."

They got themselves lowered to their sides with a minimum of awkwardness. Loki was warm against Thor's back and his breath was soft in Thor's hair and somehow he managed to fall asleep with Loki's cock still swollen up inside him.

They woke in the morning still stuck together.

"Uh, Thor? I drank a lot last night, and it's been eight hours..."

"Don't you _dare_ , Loki."

"I wasn't! I wouldn't! Just, you know... we need to plan better in future."

"Yeah. I think if you hold onto my side I can get back onto all fours and crawl across the bed to get the remote."

"Okay."

They ended up with Thor lying on his stomach across the bed, flipping through channels, Loki draped across his back. Thor paused on what appeared to be a slightly less inane morning talk show, and would have left it but for the abrupt cut to news of a hurricane approaching Florida.

"Nope! Nope!" Loki said as the room filled with the sound of heavy rain.

Thor had never changed a channel so fast in his life.

It was right about twelve hours after getting stuck that the swelling went down and Loki was able to pull out and make a mad dash for the nearest of the four luxury bathrooms. Thor made a note of the duration of the swelling and went to take a bath.

 

That evening Thor flew them to a tiny restaurant upstate where they were given a table with a perfect view of a swan-filled pond.

"Is that what we'll be eating, do you think?" Loki asked.

"I don't think they do that sort of thing here."

And indeed, swan was not on the menu, but when Loki saw their desserts approaching he finally quit complaining.

“Gentlemen. Cheesecake with chocolate ganache and raspberry sauce, compliments of the chef. It was our cheesecake that earned us our third Michelin star, and we believe we are rightly proud.”

"Very nice," Thor approved. "That's... cheddar?"

"Aged Vermont farmhouse cheddar, sir, yes."

"Excellent," said Loki, picking up his fork.

 

The cheesecake put Loki into such a cheerful mood that they nearly had to stop halfway back to the city to have sex. "Come on, Thor, you felt so good, all warm and solid against me, I just want you to fuck me..." he was begging the second their feet touched the roof.

While Thor was well accustomed to telling Loki no, he did his best to reserve it for things like usurpation and megalomania. "I'll fuck you, alright. I'll fuck you into next week. Bed. Now," he ordered.

It was a delightful fucking, they agreed when it ended. They had had to pause for food and healing stones but those breaks made it even better when they restarted.

Loki yawned and turned on the television. "Only two days left of our honeymoon," he lamented.

"Worth it."

"Completely."

Even with their stops for food they had worked up quite an appetite. Thor found a list of all-you-can-eat restaurants. They cleaned out two before deciding that they wanted just a little something more.

 

Amora had spent every spare second peering into her seeing globe, its faint light casting a sinister glow across her face. There were so many ways this spell might bring their downfall and so far they had somehow dodged them all. But this sushi restaurant… This held the best promise yet. One of them was sure to order a dragon roll. They were not infallible. Their bodies could be crushed were there sufficient weight. Like a rolling dragon.

"I think I want something light," Loki said as he flipped through the menu.

"Me too. And to tell you the truth I find the thought of raw fish to be somewhat unsettling."

Loki reached over and took his hand. “You didn’t used to.”

“It was that giant parasite on the third moon of Alfheim.”

“Ah.”

The waiter came to the table.

"An order of inari and a cucumber roll," Loki said.

"And also one avocado roll and one vegetable roll, please," said Thor.

The inari came out first, the rice delicate and bright against the sweet-salt of the pouches. A few minutes later, a cucumber and an avocado came wobbling across the floor towards them. They picked them up and began to eat, Loki crunching happily while Thor fought to remove the avocado peel without getting his hands covered in green slime. The vegetable roll came last. Thor picked it up and was about to take a bite when he paused.

"Have you ever seen a vegetable before?" he asked, holding it up.

"Of course I have. What do you think we were just eating?"

"Cucumbers and avocados are _kinds_ of vegetables."

"Technically, both are fruits."

"Botanically, yes, but culinarily they're... but that's not my point. I've seen all kinds of vegetables before, but I've never seen A Vegetable."

"Oh. No," Loki said, blinking rapidly. "Neither have I."

Their eyes met over the table. "Something's going on," they said together.

“You know, come to think of it, I don’t think cheddar is usual in desserts,” Loki said.

“Nor are Germanic hordes customary in New York night clubs.”

Their eyes met. “Amora.”

It took time to get to Stark Tower, and though Heimdall had the Bifrost already waiting for them they reached her tower too late.

Thor’s eyes gleamed when they found her gone. “Well, brother, I think we have a quest.”

Loki’s armor shimmered into place and he met Thor’s grin with his own. “You're right. Let’s go.”


End file.
